Shibari with BDSMGeek
I started in kink and rope in 2011 before any schools existed in Toronto, and have been doing it on and off for all of those years.
I love rope, really do, I think it’s a super great way to really touch on so many different facets of our lives. It’s artistic, creative, problem solving, meditative, spiritual, physical, erotic, all in one.
It’s amazing and I love spreading knowledge and the appreciation of it. I keep some notes here, lexicon/terms and a list of resources here.
As of late I’ve been learning the Kazami Ranki style of rope suspension from the Toronto Kinbaku style, practicing and doing a lot more with lots of partners.
So I’ve put together this note to go over some of the common items that come up and I want to communicate about.
Where I Tie
I tend to suspend only at the Toronto Kinbaku Salon and at Birdhaus events with Dungeon Monitors (DM’s).
I do private floor tying with select play partners at my apartment in Liberty Village.
First Timers / Newbies
Thank you so much for being interested in getting tied by me! You’re awesome!
I give allowances for people that want to get tied for the first time, and offer a basic “introduction” to suspension.
- During this I approach the rope in more of a Service Top mentality, which can be draining as I’m pretty much giving my energy the entire time.
- Oftentimes this includes skipping my aftercare needs so please value this if I do offer it to you.
I ask that if you do want to get tied up for the first time by me that:
- You make sure I know that this is your first time.
- Go through the rest of this document.
- Understand I may not want to or have the energy/mental spoons to tie you at this time, I reserve the right to refuse to tie anyone.
- Communicate what type of rope style you’d be looking for (if its the introductory / Clinical or something else), understand I may not want to tie you again in the same style.
- Getting Tied by me once does not automatically make us play partners, any further play will be talked about.
- You are responsible to actively communicate during the tie, I will check in but if something is going on speak up.
All that said I am an open and chill person so just talk to me if you have thoughts/concerns, just respect me and my time please and will do so in turn.
What should you wear
While rope in my opinion is most fun when the model is naked, it is not required. Most clothes can be worn for rope bondage, however loose clothes tend to get in the way when tying so not having to deal with that is preferred.
My recommendation for an outfit for casual/practice rope would generally be what you would wear for yoga, close fitting sportswear is usually ideal, so for ladies:
- Sports bra or tight shirt
- booty shorts or leggings
- If you tend to get cold, bring a sweater and warm socks that are easy to take off and put back on.
For anything in between just wear something that makes you feel sexy and confident without being restrictive, bras with wires can sometimes get in the way but they can be worked around, same with dresses /shirts.
Additional Resources for Rope Bondage bottoms
If you’re interested in educating yourself more I recommend
Photos / Videos and posting to socials
I enjoy seeing people react to my work and creating artistic visions so photos and videos are much appreciated by myself. I also enjoy the freedom to have my face out there without worry.
I will usually post to both my Instagram and Fetlife accounts with attribution as negotiated with my partner.
Please let me know if you are okay with media or not, with whatever limitations.
What to Expect?
- Negotiation, reading this document is part of that but also just having an open and honest conversation before we play and active communication during.
- Starting, usually I have some rituals to start tying, putting out my rope, getting my headband on, tools strapped to me, a hug.
- Base rope: usually I will need to put on a harness or two on you, depending on the scene this may be done as part of the scene or just another preparation.
- Going up, once a harness is in place I’ll bring you up and check in on how things feel, we may need to bring you down to make any adjustments to make it more comfortable.
- Suspension, in the air I might play with your limbs, move them around, add rope, do whatever I feel is nice to add to the scene.
- Coming down, when taking you down I’ll endeavor to do some in a smooth and efficient way that avoids being jarring.
- Getting out of rope, this can be a lengthy process that can take the same or more then getting into the rope. I usually start after care as part of this process.
- Clean Up, if at a public spot, I will need to put away my rope, usually just dumping it into my bag
- Aftercare, I tend to like to make sure there are lots of cuddles and reassurance, maybe a debriefing, but can be skipped depending on our negotiation. See the Aftercare section for details.
Rope Style / Desired Feeling and Energy
Sensual
Primarily I am sensual kinkster, I get energy from sensual and sexual acts, which is my preferred way to approach rope.
Some of the things I like to do when tying pretty much at time:
- Kissing
- Using pet names like, baby, girl, toy
- Physically move my partner’s body where I want / how I want
- Get close, embrace my partner
- Pulling Playing with hair
- Grabbing Throat/Neck
- Groping / Touching / Squeezing (head, face, neck, Arms, back, stomach, Breasts, Butt, Thighs, Legs, Feet)
- Biting exposed skin (earlobe, neck, stomach, arms, back, legs, hips, butt)
- Spanking / Slapping
- Pinching
- Scratching
- Tickling
- Mouth Rope
- Crotch Rope
Sexual
In more intimate settings I tend to dive deeper into the more sexual actions with rope such as:
- Vaginal / Anal / Oral Penetration
- Licking everywhere
- Fingering
- Incorporating Vibrators / Dildos / Sex Toys
I get tested regularly at the Safer Six Clinic when sexually active and have been negative in my latest tests.
If we participate in sexual activity I expect the same courtesy and upfront disclosure of any sexual health situations.
Clinical / Artistic
I am open to tying without the above elements in the right circumstances. Practice sessions in particular tend to be very clinical as I am learning the material.
This style will be basically me doing what I need to get you in the rope and then down from it.
Flavors
The above three style can also come in a combination of flavors:
- Sadistic
- Playful
- Caring
- DDlg
- Humiliating
- Empowering
Lets talk that out and see our energies go during the tie. Nothing aside from Hard Limits is static.
Safety / Responsibilities
Going through this if I am tying with you for the first time is a must.
I will want to have a discussion that goes through these points in this note, and discuss any discrepancies / alterations.
I want to know:
- Injuries / Conditions / Physical / Mental Limitations - like:
- Joint/ mobility issues
- Nerve Damage / Issues
- Relevant Medications
- Drug / Alcohol Use
- High/low blood pressure
- Skin infections / injuries / conditions / new tattoos (I re-use my rope, and want to be responsible about this to my other partners, I can use rope you purchase and gloves if this is a consideration)
- Allergies to grass (jute and hemp are from the grass family and can cause rashes or sinus conditions)
- History of fainting
- Pregnancy
- Seizure History
- If you are nervous, how does that present? What can I do to mitigate it?
- Are you neuro-divergent, is there anything I need to integrate to accommodate that?
- Are you able to communicate when in subspace, if not do you have tells and a method for me to bring you out in case we need to.
- Hard Limits - the no goes, things to keep at the forefront of my mind not to do. Some examples:
- Touching beyond getting the rope on
- Certain phrases or names to avoid (not everyone like good girl)
- Soft limits - things you’re not sure about and that I should ask before doing. Example:
- Yeses - The things you WANT to go and that I should try and incorporate and not hesitate to do.
- Aftercare Needs - What do you need to feel good and happy after play ends.
Feel free to submit this form with those details: BDSMGeek New Rope Partner Form
Or just make notes and let me know in our talks.
Aftercare
I believe aftercare is important and try to incorporate it into most play sessions.
I will see to my bottom’s needs before my own.
I personally benefit from:
- Cuddles/Physical Closeness (My ritual is to put my head in my partners lap and hold them close)
- Physical reassurances (kisses, hugs, pets, touches)
- Verbal Assurances (“You did good”, “that was fun”, “I had a good time”)
- Debrief (What went right, what went wrong, what to do next time)
- Having some hydration, preferably with electrolytes/sugar (ie Gatorade, I like lemon/lime(yellow or white) or berry flavors (red or blue).)
- Sometimes something to munch on, chips or protein bars, cookies.
This all helps me avoid top drop and feeling shitty the days after.
Disclaimer / Risks
I take what precautions I can, tie in the presence of educated people, educate myself and practice, carry safety equipment like safety shears and a marlin spike, but at the end of the day an emergency/accident can happen.
This is a low possibility, however still a possibility with rope, if you are not comfortable with the small risks of falling I am happy to do floor work and safer partial suspensions.
Resources on Safety:
Nerve Damage
Nerve Damage is possible at any time with rope, keeping aware of your body and communicating sharp pains, and any loss of sensation to mitigate the problems that could arise from it.
To check most arm nerves you can do a hand check:
Things to do if you feel anything off:
- Tell me, I’m there for you, we will adjust or remove the rope gently.
- Apply something cold covered in a cloth
- take a NSAID (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug) like ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) or naproxen (Aleve)
- Rest the limb, massage has the potential of possibly making it worse.
The recovery process from nerve compression can be a few minutes to few months depending on severity.
The following day:
- Let the limb continue to rest
- Take vitamin B (helps myelin rebuild itself)
- If there is still no sign of recovery within a few days, see a doctor, there is a risk of nerve damage (axonotmesis or neurotmesis)
Also, avoid bandages or any kind of compression on the limb including ropes on the limb before full recovery.
Here are some resources if you want to learn more about nerves in bondage: